Renting in Taiwan, and surprises thrown in your face

3 days away from flying to Taiwan, Ah Wan told me I can't stay at her parents' apartment, which is located near the school. She was unhappy about the whole affair, especially after having gone through an earlier bad experience of ordering, paying for, but having the stock run out for a pair of boots she bidded for online. I suspect she felt bad, because before that piece of news, we were planning as to how we can make her parents' then-vacant apartment more live-able. Thought of getting a TV, bringing woolen blankets and her stereo system from Taitung, maybe purchase a dehumidifier. And all that changed in the blink of an eye when someone wanted to view and potentially rent the house long-term.

I have no stake in and no claim upon that any period of stay in that apartment, but my initial reaction was that it was too much a surprise, and it shouldn't have happened. But intuitively I knew it would be fine. In my hours awake after receiving the news (and this extends to even the earlier half of today) I told myself that all would turn out to be fine. After all, couldn't I go do my walking now? But, guess what? Ah Wan was pissed at that. She complained that I was fickle and that all these different ideas makes it difficult for her to know if she should continue to help me look for a place. I think because I was so bothered about her irritation that I couldn't sleep till 4am. I had this before, but not because of something on my mind. I tried Buddhist chants, which usually prepare me very very well for my sleep. I went downstairs to walk, and deposit some cash. Nothing worked.

Anyway, this morning I took some time and found a place that I am still uncertain about, largely because it is in close proximity (slightly more than 30m, but blocked by about 7 units, and 7 floors off the ground) to the railway tracks. Seems like, though, Ah Wan thinks it will be fine.

And, why did I put in this post? Well, I'm glad, despite having to spend extra money and precious time just before my all-important, pass-or-fail-my-degree examinations, I got a taste of what it is like to settle outside of home. Staying at home leaves many many things taken care of. THAT'S A LUXURY. Looking for a home (at least somewhere to call home for two months) outside my residence of years is a very good experience. It is difficult. It takes time. Life takes time to even maintain, not to say earn and prosper. And, in a very odd way, I am doing what I wanted to achieve in Singapore - move out. Not so that I disconnect from my parents, but to actually account for and attempt to maintain my life. So that, when the time comes, I won't go hungry and dirty, or otherwise down and out,when circumstances are less than ideal.

On my first attempt at translation

By the grace of 何老師, I got some comments on my virgin attempt at doing some Chinese-to-English translation. I had some good stuff, like how I was aware of some of my problems ("how do I translate that accurately?!?") and that I was translating into the language I am more familiar with and confident in. There are, of course, lots to improve on.

1. While I am happy translating into English, my mastery of the Chinese Language will determine, to a large extent, what I understand of the text, and thus the quality of my translation. This will be a multi-year (and perhaps lifelong) project to improve my CL.

2. Key terms. Not fully understanding the meaning of certain key ideas or terminology in the source text can drastically affect how I understand parts of the original piece. Here is understood 偏鄉 as 偏向鄉村（的地方）while 何老師 said that, in his understanding, it means 偏僻，偏遠的鄉下。This in itself changes how we view the extent and reasons behind certain disadvantages the children feel.

3. Imagery. 何老師 tends towards spending a lot of time imagining and visualising the narration in the text. A key example would be 一盞燈 in 每個孩子的生命裏至少需要一盞燈。Truth is, I found this term and line extremely difficult to translate, and my attempt left me less than satisfied for I tried to literally talk about a lamp/light. 何老師 asked me what I imagined the light to be like, in my mind - confessing that translation drains his time and energy because he spends much time visualising such lines/chapters/parts before attempting to translate them. I told him that I saw something like a candle light, a weak glow in a yesteryear lamp. And it occurred to me then that, to an English readership, I should be talking about a glimmer of hope, rather than the light/lamp imagery!

4. Tone. I used overly formal/academic words in translating some stuff. For example, 智商會比臺北的學生低嗎 was translated as "Look, compared to those in Taipei, are the students in the countryside intellectually challenged?" 何老師 reflected that, given the nature of the piece, that it was a speech that was quite informal and off-the-top of the speaker's mind, I should have gone for a more tone-apt way of phrasing "intellectually challenged" -- 老師 suggested "...not as smart?" This comment opened my eyes to, yet again, my inclination to overly intellectualise and complexify things. To 老師 it is very simple. Since the text called for a direct of way-of-speech, then translation should avoid affecting that "feel" of that work.

For the first time, I feel like I am being coached in something. And 何老師 is more than any student can ask for. Gentle with his words, unassuming, but very thoughtful and full of insights. Thank you so much, my dear teacher, guide and friend! (ok, this is not very fair, I have another mentor that...I should devote another post to)

An idea for Starbucks!

I believe in making people do stuff by motivating them in the right way. And people would do stuff if it were fun to do, and watch.

I am at Starbucks at Utown, NUS, and I saw the cups and plates piling up. I don't exactly have some sort of need to have everything in order, but I didn't like how that went. And even when people returned their plates and cups to the help-to-clean-up-after-yourself rack, they weren't in any decent order.

So...how about a "machine" (purely mechanical, probably make use of gravity) of sorts to sort out the stuff, stack them in order, and empty them of unwanted fluids/waste? I'm totally thinking science centre now, where kids get real fascinated with things that display some ingenuity in its design, and which can make things/objects fly/fall/land/travel in amazing ways.

A wager

「置之死地而後生」。

I ended a "heart-to-heart" talk with Wanwan earlier and, in the midst of her preparations for an English Language test tomorrow, she took the time to help me sort out some issues I am facing now.

What turned up is that I have two goals:
1. Short term (2-3years): Stay in Taiwan
2. Long term (after 3 years): Be able, financially and otherwise, to fly around to also take care of my parents

So, along these parameters we decided to do a wager. Well, she suggested it, and I agreed, because we both agree that rationally we both have little chance of staying together, and if we were to do that, I must be able to stay in Taiwan for significant periods of time.

So the wager goes: either I find a decent job (with prospects of learning the trade) or get a position to study at Fo Guang University in the two months I am there, 24 Nov 2011 - 23 Jan 2012, or we would call it quits and I would return to my life in Singapore.

There is a very clear rationale here. And I think, in some sense, Wanwan is pushing me to decide what I want to do with my life. On top of that, I know that I need a decent income and career in Taiwan for my parents to accept that I would have to spend substantial amounts of time there.

Finding one's passion, and the nature of relationships

Shucks! I remember so little of what I heard last night from Wan. Ok, I should go review our extant Skype conversation. And it was very little. Soon after we started the conversation on Skype, she had to go offline – the downside of living in the 佛教學係dorms. So I called her…and so those words went unrecorded. Slowly, though, they come back to me.

One very important point – I repeated this to my 何老師today – concerns the right to give up. I was asking Wan, initially only half-interested in the answer, as to how one can find one’s direction in life. The answer in brief is to find what one enjoys doing BUT there’s a qualifier – one must fully try something before one has the RIGHT TO DECIDE. To Wan this means, once one decides to attempt something, there should be some concrete and measureable goal to achieve, as a waypoint of sorts. And, to her, despite all the possible pains and tribulations one might have to go through in pursuit of that goal, one cannot give up. To bear the difficulties is a requisite to deciding whether something works for one. The way to decide? Amidst the difficulties and tribulations, one deeply enjoys the activity, and derives satisfaction from it. So she felt my desire to learn translation by setting my eyes upon the completion of a book is a good start, for there is a visible end.

I never quite thought of things this way. As in, I’ve thought about the “right” to give up, but never thought about the need to immerse oneself in an activity to a certain extent decided upon beforehand to qualify to have that “right”. But it seems to make sense. I mean…I have for these many years not tried hard to achieve anything. Like I said, I ask very little of life. No…I ask for much but I do nothing to make sure I deserve it. Commitment to a cause is necessary payment to receive, even though such receiving continues to be a miraculous one, and not, in big part, caused by one’s efforts. So for the first time in my life, yesterday I called up the Gwyneth, organizer of the current round of BIA, and told her I wanted to 「爭取」the opportunity to join the team on the trip - on the grounds that the team could benefit from my suggestions and that I could rethink and re-understand what I learnt during BIA2009. Anyway, an update to that, I can go with them but I need to finance my involvement on my own.

Wan also shared this with me: for two to depend「依靠」on each other, they must firstbe firmly established on their own. Their lives must, individually, have strong foundations. Otherwise, any sort of dependence will only cause both to stumble and falter. In a very deep sense, a relationship is always about oneself. So to love “others” one must first love oneself. To project one’s dependence on others, one must first be able to rely on oneself. It’s counterintuitive, but deep in my guts, that makes so much sense. To not give others what one does not first desire, is, in this sense, really about treating yourself right.

Anyway, the thing that is left to do now is to determine how I should spend my two months in Taiwan, in December 2011 and January 2012. And after I decide, I should stand by it, and complete whatever it is that I want to do.

Venerable Bodhi, on giving up

So I really didn’t resolve the issue behind my lack of willingness and motivation in getting my degree. A simple Bachelors, with three not-quite-tough modules to go, and, there I was, for the past few days (minus last night) doing NOTHING to pass my modules. I got round to talking to Venerable Bodhi and Wan about this, and reaped lots. I don’t dare say the “insights” has gone from the rational to emotive level but it sure seems I am gathering more reasons to put effort into completing these darn courses.

I’m gonna split it into two posts. The first about what I learnt from Venerable and the second, from Ah Wan.

Venerable Bodhi has always been the most sympathetic and I have never seen her get so serious. Ok, I have seen it, just once when she dealt with a student who gets a little too touchy with the opposite gender. And that was a big deal given that he and his peers are in that age of puberty. Anyway, What I got from Venerable is that I have to have a standard, a code, a way to tell me where I am heading. Without a roadmap, Venerable fiercely (to me) pointed out, I would always be lost and dissatisfied with life and whatever I am doing. That’s because I would go hopping from one tentative aim to another, always finding some reason to be unhappy about it, and always giving up. Having given up, I would feel, yet again, there is no meaning in what I am doing and the cycle continues.

And regarding this “giving up”. I simply give up too much! Or rather, that has been the only choice I ever made, between “holding on” and “giving up”. How many darn times?? Initial sparks of passion drives me to decent heights, for a beginner, that is, and then I just stop! I stop doing what consumed me and my energy for the last couple of months. I’ve attributed it to a lack of praise (which is so readily available for a rookie who outperforms people’s expectations), and I considered if it is the difficulties; Dr Don thinks, once I see myself easily succeeding at something, I lose interest; but truth is I really have no idea. I was on to something last night. I think it is about meaning, and relevance to my life. I don’t typically get on to something by thinking about its “far-reaching” significance…I simply enjoy it. Being recognized, and accomplishing some measure of success gives me a high. But, now laid bare before me, I can never finish doing something, anything, just by going on a high.

I don’t try for anything. A Chinese expression describes me well: 「苟且偷生」- to ask little of life, and thus, implicitly live on borrowed time. It means taking the safe path, to not rock the boat, to do as everyone does, keeping ones head down. Of course, many of those phrases hardly describe me…but I do ask very little of life. I take what is given, and, now and then, try to cheat a little more out of the system (society, parents, friends etc), but I never asked in life for anything big. How ironic! And I desire meaning; easily the biggest thing that can be found anything in the universe and the whole of life.

I will walk

A small (but not insignificant) impulse I had in the last few days, going through all that head- and heartache, is that I want to walk. To walk and understand myself better through walking. Ah Wan, my girlfriend, told me she does not want me, in the least, back in Taiwan in November if I have no concrete plans of my own. I previously told her I wanted to learn about food and farming, because they are the basis of life. But she doubts that, and is at least partially right in thinking that I really hope to spend some time with her. Her conclusion? I would be disappointed, yet again, just as I had been at the end of my recent Sept trip.

Iam still planning on doing my farming stint, but now I also want to do something else - walking. I thought of walking round Taiwan, but that sounds like it would take two months or so. So, preliminary map-check says it takes 341 kilometres of walking to get from Taipei City to Kaohsiung City. The last time I remember doing route-march, we did 24 kilometres in 10 hours. I doubt I am as fit. Plus I don't want to rush things. AND I might just fall real ill along the way, and require good periods of rest. I think the other half, along the Eastern Coast, through Taitung, Hualien and Yilan, would be considerably longer, but with a great coastal view.

Deep within me, I hope this impresses Ah Wan. I liked the feeling when I last took a night off to cycle to a location 30-odd kilometres away from school, where and when I went to do some research on the university. But also, I am trying to understand myself, and face hardship. My parents generation has been said to be the one that took lots in their stride to give us a comfortable life today. I want to know I can do the same.

Another thing, and this is dedicated to Kelvin, for I am walking (pun intended) the same path he intended when he first thought of India. If you cannot join me, my friend, I will walk with your spirit alongside me. And to show you it is possible, and because we both have such a courageous and innocent trust in the life, I shall do this without money. I will depend on gifts of food and shelter along the way. I'll, certainly, bring a tent, to sleep outdoors, and clothes and stuff to clean myself with, but I won't bring money, that much I promise.

The fear of success, and the bachelor's degree I nearly gave up

The past few days hasn't been easy. Been quite a ride. I've been having a headache that doesn't seem to go away - a constant pressure around the crown of my head which increases with how tired I am. I was telling my doc, Victor Loh, at the University's clinic that I think it is a physical manifestation of mental worries/pressure.

I haven't been very happy. The issue of hoping the my girlfriend who give me more time and attention cropped up again. And she's been real busy. So busy that she had to choose between rest, and giving me attention. And sure I was not pleased to hear that. On one level, that is to say I am not very important to her. On top of that, she tells me she hopes to that she could sometimes also be at the receiving end of some attention and comforting when she's facing stress (and not some needy boyfriend), i.e., I am currently not "grown-up" enough for her to depend on.

And all these made me question my approach to life. I wanted to tell her about my desire to not finish my bachelor's, because I am starting to think that it really is a waste of time. And truth is, having wasted 3 semesters, I really don't want to be wasting another possible two months, which is all it takes to complete the course. Of course, it might sound really silly to give up at this point, but I used Steve Jobs to encourage myself on this matter - would you be willing to do what you are gonna do today if it were your last day on earth? Hell, no!

But thankfully, I have enough friends who did the great favour of offering me listening ears and thinking minds, of a different perspective. My teachers and mentors are my friends too, btw. And they all noticed one thing - I am resistant to the idea of graduating, and there must be some underlying reason. I gained from listening to their insights - fear of success, grief over the lost of something deep within me, (de)valuing academic qualifications as a proxy to attaing/not losing something else.

And this morning, for no good reason, it all made sense. I don't like the idea of getting a bachelor's because I think it is a corruption of my "innocence". You see, I believe that life should be lived simply - as close as possible to the basis of life. I am afraid that getting my degree would somehow cause me to lose sight of that. I don't want my deeper purpose to be corrupted. I think a degree adds nothing to life, especially when I have learnt all, I believe, that I want to and can learn from my course of study. I am preparing to go back to basics - farming is on this path. And yet, a degree?

But the Diamond Sutra offered a different perspective. The Buddha asked Ananda if the persons who attained any of the four (stage of) realisations (which culminates in Arahantship) can have thoughts in his mind, that he has attained some realisation. And Ananda replied in the negative. Why? Because if the realised being has such a thought, then he has attachment to a self, which is to say he has not any realisation. At a deeper level, there are no realisations to speak of, they are just skilful means that the Buddha "invented" to help us get there. (even the term "get there" is problematic, since there is nothing and nowhere to get (to))

But I can't but notice that, to the average, commonsensical, worldly mind, there really exists the four attainments. And so the four attainments are real but yet not so real, all at the same time, and it matters as to how you see it. So I figured out that, the degree is not real, there really is no such thing as a degree. Just like in math, we can confuse a process "4 + 3" with an iteration, which appears as an self-existent static object, "7", so we can wrongly believe that a degree is a "static" "achievement" when it is really the "outcome" of a process of learning. And what it takes for me to accept getting a degree is to realise that there is no such thing as a degree and that I, being aware of that, cannot define myself by that paper qualification. Thus, I can't be corrupted because I got hold of some paper or supposedly "completed," successfully, a process.

And here's what I think of getting a degree now - it is a gift. I really don't believe I need the degree. But certainly to the worldly mind the degree is real, and so should be obtained. So, in order to satisfy the minds that think the degree is real (and necessary), I shall get the degree. I think, in that sense, it is a gift, my gift to those around me.

And my gift to all my friends who understand this post? Well, nothing more than this post itself.

金剛經的啓發

Donkey years ago, I heard the line 「有花堪折直須折，莫待無花空折枝」 and did not make much of it. Today, I realised that this was a story about 因緣。

Everything has it's causes and conditions. The distinction is important - it is often thought of as delineating the primary and secondary reasons behind a result/phenomena. For example, I might have gotten my salary because I put in the hours and effort. Most people would agree that is the primary "cause" of receiving a salary, but often we forget it wasn't our OWN effort, but also the secondary "causes" like having an employer to employ you, that we have had some educational background (made possible by even more other causes and conditions) etc.

For a long while I've been fighting the idea that there can be "primary"and "secondary" conditions for a phenomena, since for a phenomena to occur there must be both occurring in confluence, so there really cannot be a distinction in their importance.

But today I perceived the "causes and condition" theory in a new light - in terms of control. I think, from the standpoint of "I", there are parts of the equation that we can control and parts which we cannot.

And what motivated that understanding? That I've been unhappy about things. I put up time for my girlfriend, and expected her to appreciate me, or at least use me more (as her breathing dictionary), but got none. See - I can put in my part of the equation, but I can't help her put in the rest. Understanding so, I realised 「隨緣」 hardly means that one is passive/aimless. One must put in the full measure of what one can control and LEAVE THE REST to other actors. So the end cannot be expected.

So if there are flowers on the branches, and you so desire to possess them, then go ahead and bring them home, do not wait for the flowers to have withered, for, try as you may, you would only have some twigs for your fireplace then. Of course, like Kelvin mentioned, you can pluck the flowers only if you are willing to face the consequences.

So, should I study for my Stats exam?

It is time to start again!

I spent half a year in Taiwan and found someone there. Lots went through my mind since I returned from Taiwan, while I tried and continue to try to make sense of my experiences but one things is clear - passive/investment income is key to what I want to accomplish in future. And this cash has to be available irregardless of which country or place or time I end up in.

There are two directions - do translation and trade forex. So here I am, full circle. I'm happy, because I don't quite like having to tell myself that I have, yet again, let go of another of my spurts of interest in stuff that goes on around me.

I have committed myself to spending thirty minutes each day on each area. And though I haven't been all that successful in keeping to that, I'm gonna try my hardest in the weeks to come.

Cambodia - My inhumanity

I came back from Cambodia about 34 hours. Haven't done much though. No work, no assignments. Just had 2 tuitions. And I'm in the midst of another. Left my student some work to do though.

My inhumanity. I didn't shed a tear visiting the Tuol Sleng Prison or the Killing Fields. Both were extremely moving and meant a lot of pain and a great deal of suffering for victims involved. I suspect that it was also difficult for those who were executing and torturing the victims.

I felt disconnected. At the Killing Fields, the guide for the site was just odd. So odd that many of us forgot his suffering (his entire family was killed by Khmer Rouge) and concluded (at least temporarily) that he has gone mad (or gotten a screw loose in his head) from staying on the site since 1980.

I missed his pain totally! I can't believe I was that insensitive to have not seen him as another human being. My friend, and travel mate, Joshua told me that I lacked the sociological training. I think not. I lack humanity. I lack compassion. I was trapped in my small little world, and couldn't see that there was some very severe conditions and occurences that was in this part of the world. And in HIS WORLD too.

On speaking to Vindy and Joshua, and hearing their interpretations of the guide's odd behaviour (like asking what bullet it is to the westerners during the guided tour - an M16 round), I was in shock. I didn't know! I wish I understood the significance of all our guide did and said. I wish I could detect his anguish in his eyes. I wish (much later) that I could relieve some of the pain.

And the significance of the M16 - 5.56mm - round is this: It was used in an American rifle. The M16 was developed by the US in response to the russian AK47. Who was behind Pol Pot? Was he really communist? I've no answers. But the bullet sure says something.

Later over a drink, I realised how useless my buddhist beliefs and practices were in terms of dealing with the negativity that was generated over the trip. I couldn't do anything about the suffering. Not then (in 1975-79) and not even now. I couldn't pray or wish away the pain. I wonder how much negativity I brought away by doing tonglen.

This later prompted me to go for the Pchum Ban festival (akin to Singapore's Hungry Ghost Festival) at a temple in Phnom Penh though. Second time I missed sleep for this event. But it took on a new meaning because I imagined the amount of trauma that is faced by the living and the dead because of those 4 years.

I hope this lesson stays with me. I hope I don't prematurely judge others in future. I pray I always listen to - and imagine - their stories fully next time.

I pray peace comes upon all who suffered or is suffering because of the events that occurred from 1975 to 1979 in Cambodia, the then Kampuchea.

From playing with sand to...

7th AUG: Today I decided to build the Great Wall of China. And so I did. Nothing major happened. Just that it left me with a huge backache that lasted 3 days before it subsided.
14th AUG: I aspired to build/sculpt a model of the Effiel Tower. Inspired by Yin Har actually, one of my best university friends. Got me thinking about how to do something special for my gf, Miranda. But guess what? I didn't manage to get the sandpile up to my desired height. I wanted something around my waist. And before I could even reach that it COLLAPSED!!
There you see! The left (or is it right?) side collapsed. On hindsight, I could have still carved it. But I decided to go for something else.

And that something else is a classical buddhist hand symbol. It looks like an OK sign.
But according to Wikipedia (the worse academic resource to possibly quote from), "The Vitarka mudrā ("mudrā of discussion") is the gesture of discussion and transmission of Buddhist teaching." But my discussion, I mean the sculpture collapsed because I sensed the movement of the 3rd finger when I was carving some details, but didn't realise it's a sign of impending collapse. Which means my sculpture was structurally unsound. So by the time I thought of taking pictures, I'm just left with an amateurish index finger and thumb portion. This talk about understanding and reading signs seems to come from Paulo Coehlo.

21st AUG: I built 2 sandpiles TOO CLOSE to the water! Argh! And I had to abandon both in the end. But I discovered an interesting fact today. That the natural weight of the sand does a much better job at compressing and giving rise to the structural integrity of the sand below the surface level. So thus, when it rained, I went to an area when the sand was much coarser and dug. And wa-la! I dug deep enough to reach my waist with my feet in the hole.

My idea is to build a Chinese-styled roof and house a simple (read: I can't do a complex one) image of a Buddha inside.

This took me a lot of effort blowing! Blowing is done using a straw (duh!) to get rid of sand which cannot be gotten rid of using tools.

The abstract outline of a Buddha statue. Meant to be 2D.
The completed work looked impressive to me. (Allow me some self-boast, since I never thought i could finish this, especially the roof) The Buddha looks amateurish, I admit. And he has abs! Haha... Maybe it's my wish that I have abs too? In the midst of carving, I was interrupted by some staff of Sentosa. (They basically manage the island) And they kindly requested me to cover the hole when I'm done. Pretty sad isn't it? But as with many things in life, we must learn to let go. And so I did cover the big hole when i left. To at least 90% I think.
What is interesting is that I managed to do another piece. This one is basically a rudimentary and experimental sculpture of a castle with spiral stairs. It's not quite elegant. But a good try for a start. Lessons learnt!
7 AUG21st AUG
These 2 times when I build sandpiles too close to the water taught me one thing. LET GO! In some sense it's the concept of stoploss used in forex trading. When one knows the position is a bad one, one should cut losses as earlier as possible and look for another opportunity. Exactly what I did in these cases.

My sexy back view! (according to Miranda)
I really really enjoy sculpting! It's not so much about expression anymore. I started out doing this because I wanted to find some means of expression. It was and is in line with my idea of including some form of arts in my life.

But my work attracted people. Not many. But a handful. Usually tourists. In sculpting, I talked to people from India, Dubai, Pakistan, China, Vietnam, and Taiwan. And I bet that list will grow as I put more of my ideas on sand. I'm glad my work is appreciated by some, even if it's just a few. Thanks to all who gave me wonderful comments and noted my efforts!

I'm freaking late!

"Freaking" is a word I commonly use these days. And I guess it expresses a sense of exasperation. After all, things are moving as fast as I hope they can. Which really is my fault, since my effort in some aspects is either really lacking or non-existent.

But after opening the IBFX platform last friday, today I finally found the time and will to sit down and figure out which are the Support/Resistance lines for 5 pairs - GBPUSD, EURUSD, USDJPY, USDCHF AND AUDUSD. To be honest, I don't know why I put in the last one. It just seems like the aussie is an attractive pair to trade. I took slightly more than an hour to complete the SR lines for all 5 pairs using the monthly and weekly charts. Haven't managed to collect info like how many times the lines were tested respectively though.

And it really is some sort of art trying to figure out which lines should be drawn. As with sculpturing, I'm starting from scratch. I'm just trying out the tools and trying to learn the ropes (or rules). I'm sure I've drawn too many lines. But that doesn't matter I think.

Anyway, using the lines I've drawn. I'm gonna embark on my backtesting of 1000 trades. An outline of what to do have been drawn up. I'm basically gonna test some hypothesis. And my testing will tell me whether my hypothesis stands and how well they perform. I'm doing some basic math modules that deal with uncertainty and risk, and I wonder if I can use the knowledge to analysis my methodologies and results. But that aside, my first hypothesis is that SR lines A)are strong supports when price tests the line from above, and B)they are strong resistance when price tests the line from below. Effectively that means this hypothesis is that whenever price tests any SR line, it should bounce off the line and return in the direction it was coming from.

This one is pretty easy to test, and probably will be proven wrong in no time. My backtesting will have to be to long whenever (A) occurs and short whenever (B) occurs.

My second hypothesis involves the use of trend indicators to establish the strength of the SR lines. Basically if the trend indicator indicates a downward trend, and price is testing a SR line from above, then the SR line's strength as a support is uncertain. If however, the price was testing a SR line from below, then it is that the SR line would be strong as a resistance. The opposite also is possibly true.

So the testing for this hypothesis is as follows:
1. Long if a support is tested from above and trend is up.
2. Short if a resistance is tested from below and the trend is down.

Third hypothesis. By using momentum/strength indicators(MSI) (eg. Stochastic/Relative Strength Index etc), we can tell the strength of the trend relative to the strength of SR lines. The testing will take the form of:-
1. Long when price approaches either C)support line when MSI points to a weak trend
or D)resistance lines when MSI points to a strong trend
2. Short when price approaches either E)support line when MSI points to a strong trend
or F)resistance lines when MSI points to a weak trend

FOR FITNESS, I think I've gotten better. I made plans to run about 3 times a week. But weather wasn't too good yesterday. And I still some strain from my slightly sprained ankle. I was thinking I was just making more excuses. But I seriously don't want to worsen any injury (if mine can even be considered one). I'll start next week.

Back on track (pun unintended)!

Haha, following my last post, today is the "post (about my forex plan) later today"...which is really a "tomorrow" by yesterday's standards.

For fitness, nope, I still haven't ran a single bit since I last lost the war against IPPT. But I did go back to doing chin ups and sit ups. For the record, I can safely say I am now able to achieve the pass standard for IPPT - 6 chin ups. I'm thinking of doing some charts on a piece of mahjong paper and putting them up on the wall. To remind me of what has been achieved and what more can be. In fact, that sounds like a good exercise for anything major in life. So there's financial, academics, love, social, etc etc

Anyway, I'm ultra late in executing my plan to pull my socks up as a forex trader. Oh wait, to sidetrack a little, I lost all my data on my expenditure which I've been recording in my hp since 12 days ago (which is the start of August). I guess that teaches me about backing up data. Especially when I have a laptop which seems affected by either a worm or virus.

Anyway, on to my detailed forex plan. First the timeline.

8 Aug Finalise Forex plan
9 Aug - 8 Sept Test method 1
9 Sept - 8 Oct Test method 2
9 Oct - 8 Nov Test method 3

In the midst of typing this post, I thought I had already done this sometime back. I checked, twice. And I realised I am way behind in my blogging. MANY things and incidents that I think is worthy of mention is left out. Mostly unintentionally.

Anyway, the approaches I'm taking is going to be very foundational and traditional tools of technical analysis. Support and Resistance lines, Triangles and Channels. I haven't figured how to trade all of those. But I have quite a detailed test plan out for the first. (That again warrants another post - it's way to long to subsume under this one) But one thing is certain, I need to be doing at least 1000 backtested trades per window of 1 mth.

So that's that, I got a few of my friends to passively check my progress, which means they won't hound me if I don't do anything which I plan to do, but I would send some reports or reflections to them at the end of each period. Serves as a motivation to me. I (hopefully) tend to work harder when we think I need to disclose how much I've accomplished.

Lagging... I'm slacking...

ARGH! I am freaking slow! My life which was so filled with direction and aims and goals and programs stopped completely for the past 2 days. Haven't gone ahead to fulfil schedules for my forex trading, fitness etc etc.

But today's a good day to start again. After all, school's starting! I don't quite know if I welcome the sem. Well, I do, but I just have my concerns. (But who doesn't yeah?) Arranged to meet my academic advisor for the very first time today! And that's after email exchanges since 2 months ago I think.

Plus I'll go back to seeing my nus mates with much greater frequency. Haha, but I'm gonna be such an econs-freak this sem because I am taking 4 major modules. But I'll still keep my sanity with 2 usp mods. The new one costs me A LOT of points! Just bidpoints though.

And I would like to welcome all freshies that I have met, no matter how brief that meeting was, to NUS Fac of Arts and Social Sciences. I hope you guys and girls have lotsa fun and find learning and exams not too much a bore. Learning definitely isn't if it's taken in the right spirit. But I totally can't say the same for exams.

I guess I'll talk about my forex plans later today. Alright, have fun till then!

Playing with sand!

A few days back I was at the beach with my best secondary school friends. Just 4 guys who were really bored and ended up on sentosa's beach. After having tried my hand at sandsculpting (of sorts) during an earlier trip with the beach with Miranda and friends, I brought my tools (garden spades) again to see if I have the chance to have some fun.

And guess what? My friends were game for it and even sculpted some of their own stuff. We tried (and failed) to make a watch tower. And I thought we could make it a part of the Great Wall of China thing. That was when I learnt that my ability to stack sand to a decent height is not decent at all.

Looking closely, we actually did pretty well - if we were trying to make a volcano.

But later we (at least I did) still got our tan, and in our last hour on the beach, I sculpted a squarish watch tower by going subterrain - digging into the existing sandbed, rather than building upwards.

And here's how it looked like.


But I think the prize for the best sculpture surely goes to Zhidong, who carved a nice turtle out! (there should have been eggs)


And as the story goes, the turtle swam from the water to the shore towards to mountains!

Anyway, after a very fun day, we ended up with this!


And I figured out that I wanted to learn more about sand sculpting. Guess I'll go back to the beach more often to have fun while tanning!

Fitness plans

Just a very short update. And I hope this doesn't bore you. Part of my intention of more intensive blogging is to provide material for reference and reflection when I need them in future. So some posts might really seem pretty useless, boring, or even annoying. ("WHY DID HE HAVE TO BLOG ABOUT THAT SILLY THING??")

Anyway, in line with the requirements of the Ministry of Defence, I am to pass my IPPT (physical fitness test) in 2 months. Judging by my performance during my last test, I need to buck up on mainly my pull-ups (did 5 out of the 6 required) and running (didn't finish even half of the required 2.4km distance).

Also, I want to strengthen my sit-ups, so thus I launch a three-pronged approach to passing. I'm already in the midst of applying the first and third aspect. I do pull-ups whenever I go to Miranda's place (since there's a fitness station nearby) and when I don't get to do any in a day, I do 30 push-ups.

As for sit-ups, I started off with doing 40 sit-ups every night when I get home or before I sleep. But I realised I didn't have any reaction from my body (in terms of aches during the following day). So I tried doing 2 sets of 40 sit-ups, still no response. I realised the problem is that doing sit-ups do not target my abdomen muscles directly. So after some thought and consulting a friend, I switched to crunches today. I wonder what the effect will be, but it sure seemed more difficult to do 50 crunches. I'm considering if I should hold and count to eight/ten rather than just contracting my abs momentarily on every count.

As for runs, I really haven't decided how to go about it. I was thinking I should run twice a week. Maybe even thrice, even though I don't quite enjoy running. The short term goal is certainly to complete 2.4km in 12 minutes. But the long term goal is to join my friend at Standard Chartered Bank's Marathon. I was told it's 10km. That probably qualifies as a fun run as compared to the full-fledged 42km marathon. So that would mean I need to do endurance training too.

Goal setting

Inspired by my birthday that has just passed by me, coupled with the fact that I really have too much time on my hands now (since I hold no jobs, unlike a couple of my uni friends who are still working very hard just before school starts), I decided I needed a plan to go forward.

Oh, another source of inspiration is reading Adventures of a Currency Trader once again. My fourth or fifth read of the book I think. So much of what my goals entail concerns my financial health and expenditure/income management. I'll go into detail some other time, since I think they aren't quite finalised as yet.

I was also inspired by dance, having taken a basic waltz course at Whypong and Michelle Danceworld. The course was organised by the NUS Social and Ballroom dancing club. I realised that I really needed some form of artistic expression in my life. Probably partially fueled by the fact that Miranda and her siblings have their lives intersperse with various forms of music. One thing to look into is definitely to take up a course to learn Lindy Hop.

Fitness is high on the list too, since I'm supposed to pass IPPT (fitness test) within two months.

I'm tempted to start a new blog for every aspect of my life, but I think that might be a little too much for me to update and keep track of, even for myself. But I guess the least I can do now is to update this blog as often as possible.

Thailand trip

Thanks to Qingren and Kah Chun for a wonderful trip up north to Thailand. I don't know if it's a land of a thousand smiles, but I'm quite sure for now it's a land where salesmanship (on the part of taxi drivers) can mean we end up lost, paying too much, at the wrong location or simply lost for words.

But despite all that, it was a wonderful trip. We had sufficient (QR would probably say too much) time for shopping in Bangkok (but interestingly, I either fail to bring the stuff back or bought the wrong sizes) and made 2 day trips to cities 2 hour's bus journeys from the capital. And those two were Ayutthaya (capital of earlier dynasty, around 15-16th century I think) and Kanchanaburi (death railway). Well, to me the highlight was the latter. First of all, they have a wonderful museum right within the immediate town area. Takes no more than 3 minutes on mini-bus (which only costs 10Baht a ride. Don't be fooled by those who extort more.) There you'll find many models which depict living conditions during the building of the railway. A very visual collection.

We later went to the Bridge over River Kwai, apparently famous, but I couldn't get much out of the place. That was the same with Ayutthaya, probably worse, because the museum gave virtually no information in anything other than Thai, despite being a world heritage site. We later spent another hour or so on a bicycle, visiting a war cemetary in the outskirts, padi and maize fields, cows, and a cave temple.

My biggest takeaway this trip is somewhat about history. I was at the war cemetary, quietly whispering a prayer for all dead, especially for those in war. And I was walking down the rows. Rows that look so dignified and beautiful (complete with plants and flowers, well maintained indeed). Home to those who died (mainly British in this cemetary) during the building of the railway. I think of a artsy film that I earlier watched - which informed me, in a subtle manner, of how the POWs' spirits and philosophy of life was superior to that of the devilish Japs. But the breaking point was reading the words left by the loved ones left behind by the late soldiers. I saw words from fathers, mothers, siblings, children, wives... Some of them reflected on what their beloved sons died for - peace. Some spoke of meeting again - in eternal bliss, hopefully. Yet others spoke of longing, remembrance, love. I couldn't not tear when I passed by those that spoke of the remains were those of "our (or my) son". I cannot imagine the anguish of losing a love one to something as stupid as a war. I've run out of words to describe such conflict and brutality. The message lives though. That war should and must be avoided. That peace and understanding is the only way for the human race to progress.

But not all tombstones had lines left behind. And not even all had names.


A soldier of the war. A soldier of the war. A soldier of the war.

That was all that was left of him. No one claimed some relationship to his bones even in death. Maybe no one could, for he was unidentifiable. But history is THIS. Unnamed people, positions, ranks, numbers, groups, formations, societies. After another 2 centuries (I dare say 50 years), who would remember this names? For the named soldiers, who would know of them and their personalities after their immediate families pass away? Probably no one, but right in our history lessons we learn that there was such a war and so many people died and they did this-and-that. And the reasons and trends was such-and-such.

WHAT IS THE POINT??

We should all stop to ponder on this. Somewhere, somehow, I recall that someone ever spoke of these lines to me: "We can avoid making mistakes we made earlier in our history in future if we truly understand our past." Note that there are two time phases there. Past and future. But read deeper. The past to us is nameless, and the future cannot be named for it hasn't come to pass. The only way that line is going to work is for the present to be involved, for numbers and statistics and academic studies cannot bring us the message and lessons from our past.

To fully comprehend and adopt these lessons, we need to be grounded in the present. Our current emotions and worldview and ideological (and moral) systems and codes. Our understanding of what happened previously. So we need bridges. In Singapore, the new generation has lived through at least 30 years of peace. No major conflicts which ends up in many deaths all at once. So we have to try to imagine the undesirability of wars and conflicts. We have to make up, in our mind, the hardships that those before us went through. But all this is not all that difficult. We just have to think of the times we came under threat, the fear, and maybe the bravery and camaderie such trying times resulted it. We could just reach deeper within us to recall times when we were hurt by others in various ways, and I'm sure we can all feel a small part of the soldiers' suffering.

We may be different, but we are really quite the same.

Birthday at Harry's

Hee.. so happy.. I came back, slightly tipsy, from Harry's @ Boat Quay. Went on a martini spree since I have a card which gets my martinis for 4 bucks! Just 4 bucks each man, and those at this outlet is darn gd!

And Miranda did the sweetest thing possible, to get the live band to dedicate the last song, before we left, to me. It's a samba number I think, titled Black Sugar. When I asked the band pointed to the lead singer, an African lady I suppose, and said she's the one that the title is referring to. Well, it really seemed quite funny at that point in time. Must have been the alcohol.

And we did more odd and outrageous things. Like we tried to dance some waltz on the way to Raffles Place MRT (train) station. Complete with laptop, tons of piano books, plastic bags (from Miranda's shopping). I'm sure you can see why we failed terribly.

And we jumped down a few steps. When we got into the train, we relived our childhood (in fact, doing the following doesn't even exist in my childhood) by turning round poles. Like run, hold on to the pole, do a 360 degree with your legs off the ground kinda thing. And we played a game of charades - always starting with "I pray...(whatever)"

It's my 22nd. And as was my 21st, it was you, Seet, who was there. No doubt I have a few friends who smsed me to wish me a happy birthday, but life couldn't possibly be complete without you and your thoughtfulness. (and antics too)

Hope you enjoyed yourself as much as I did, Miranda.